BLACK DOG PRESS

Barack Obama's Secret Girlfriend

New Scandal Rocks Barack Obama's Campaign

Barack Obama today neither confirmed or denied that he is madly in love with Alexis Bledel.
"I think everybody in America is in love with Alexis," Barack said to students in North Carolina, "But the idea that just because I own every season of Gilmore Girls, and only make love to Michelle when Alexis's face is freeze framed, well the idea  that that makes me in love with her, is absurd." 

Michelle Obama has lived with this for years, and has privately admitted that Barack's problem began when the movie Tuck Everlasting came out. "He likes to call it, well you can guess, everlasting,"
Michelle told a close friend.

The Clinton campaign has always hinted that Barack might go after white girls once he is President, and they used this latest scandal to reintroduce the idea. "We all know that his father liked little white girls,"  Hillary  Clinton said to supporters in Indiana, "But I for one am not gonna let Senator Obama get mixed up with Alexis." Hillary's statement brought a standing applause to the auditorium.

   
Obama's people meanwhile are doing everything they can to stop him from going to see the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Which he calls, I come in my pants part 2.      

 

Barack Obama today neither confirmed or denied that he is madly in love with Alexis Bledel.
"I think everybody in America is in love with Alexis," Barack said to students in North Carolina, "But the idea that just because I own every season of Gilmore Girls, and only make love to Michelle when Alexis's face is freeze framed, well the idea  that that makes me in love with her, is absurd." 

Michelle Obama has lived with this for years, and has privately admitted that Barack's problem began when the movie Tuck Everlasting came out. "He likes to call it, well you can guess, everlasting,"
Michelle told a close friend.

The Clinton campaign has always hinted that Barack might go after white girls once he is President, and they used this latest scandal to reintroduce the idea. "We all know that his father liked little white girls,"  Hillary  Clinton said to supporters in Indiana, "But I for one am not gonna let Senator Obama get mixed up with Alexis." Hillary's statement brought a standing applause to the auditorium.

   
Obama's people meanwhile are doing everything they can to stop him from going to see the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Which he calls, I come in my pants part 2.      

youtube.com/watch?v=kA6rgCqoNMU

Oliver Stone’s upcoming bio-pic on George Bush Shockingly Anti-Bush

Oliver Stone’s upcoming bio-pic on George Bush Shockingly Anti-Bush.

I hate George W Bush almost as much as any aging liberal hippie drug addict douche bag. But Oliver remember that Bush quit drinking and doing cocaine and become more then anyone thought he could. For Christ's sake it's clear that the man has a 5th grade reading level on his best days. Mr. Stone You were amazingly talented in the 80's, but fact is that your name been the standard bearer for ridiculously  shitty movies for about two decades now. Have you ever seen the Doors? Don't bother just watch Wayne's World 2, which parodies your movie for about half the film.   
    I think we all enjoy kicking Bush while he's down. But really no one would in Hollywood would touch your worthless ass if you weren't making an Anti-Bush movie.       

BlackDog Sports. Yankees Suck. (Dick?)

At Blackdog Press we are very busy fellows. Always getting the first Al  Roker stories and  outing  gay droids from Star  Wars.  So  we would just like  to focus  on the American  League  East, because really  what other league is  there.

Gay Pride of The Yankees

When Metro Sexual becomes more than just fashion. The shocking tale of New York Yankee's shortstop Derek Jeter, and what kind of all-star he is off the field.
Derek Jeter has been linked to some very beautiful women. It's like he picks them off the front covers of people and other straight magazines. But the fact is that since Derek Jeter's rookie year the Yankee's have never been able to keep a bat boy longer than a month. " Derek just has a very different idea of what a "Yank" is." Said former team mate Wade Boggs.
Apparently the situation is getting worse.
"It's like a guy just can't get in the shower around here without Derek, jumping in and offering to soap you down, and he says its because he is thinking about Jessica Alba, but nobody else has full erections in the showers," said a player that refused to be named. The worst part is that it has been distracting the team, who just can not seem to catch the Red Sox. Jeter would not comment himself on the story but his rep says that Derek is just to busy with the super models to comment on the outrageous gay rumors.

Red Sox News.
The Sox keep on winning despite brawls in the dugout and on the field. Forget despite,they win because they fight and have sex with Red Sox groupies on the road. It was great when Manny punched K Youkilis, and did you Coco pop that pitcher. Don't mess with the Sox, and Yuuk, don't ever talk back to Manny Rameriez. And Jesus Christ, Youkilis every time I look at you  I get an image of guy who comes to all the little league but doesn't have any kids. Just watching Youk? Shave that dammed pedophile goatee, your giving me the creeps.

EAST		W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	L10	STRK	ELIM#
	Red Sox	39	26	.600	0.0	25-6	14-20	7-3	W1	-
Last: 6/6 vs SEA L 0-8 Next: 6/7, vs SEA, 3:55 p.m. ET   Preview | Buy Tickets
	Rays	37	25	.597	0.5	24-10	13-15	6-4	W2	99
Last: 6/6 @TEX W 12-4 Next: 6/7, vs TEX, 8:05 p.m. ET   Preview | Buy Tickets
	Orioles	31	30	.508	6.0	17-11	14-19	5-5	W3	94
Last: 6/6 @TOR W 6-5 Next: 6/7, vs TOR, 1:07 p.m. ET   Preview | Buy Tickets
	Yankees	31	31	.500	6.5	17-14	14-17	6-4	W1	93
Last: 6/6 vs KC L 1-2 Next: 6/7, vs KC, 1:05 p.m. ET   Preview | Buy Tickets
	Blue Jays	32	32	.500	6.5	15-13	17-19	4-6	L4	92

Slutty Girl Scout Endorses Obama

"I just can't resist chocolate," the slutty girl scout said when announcing her support for Barrack Obama

DEARBORN, Mich. – Jenifer Shape knows how to sell Girl Scout cookies. She sold them to friends. She sold them to strangers. She even convinced her orthodontist to buy the popular sweet treats.

"Do you want eat my cookie?" Jennifer would ask would be male buyers.
15 year old Jennifer  Sharpe has been a Girl Scout for 5 years, but the 15 year old got something for Christmas last year that gives her an edge. She grew into some big tits and a sweet ass. The flavor she sold the most of was caramel coconut. The words just rolled off her tongue. 

Girl Scout sets record for cookie sales with 17,323  boxes sold

    "Wanna Know the only thing that tastes better then  girl  scout  cookies?"

Al Roker Rushed to Hospital, In Near Heart Attack

With a copy of  Vanity Fair clutched in his left hand and ky jelly coving his whole entire body, Al Roker was rushed to the hospital today, he could be heard screaming, "Bring me a real naked picture Miley Cyrus, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her!"

Al, who now only calls himself the weather man, was only suffering from chronic masturbation syndrome, which doctors guessed was due to the Miley Cyrus photos  released last week in Vanity Fair.

It's been another hard week for America's favorite morning time personality. Al Roker,  AkA ,  the weatherman has  been  up  at all hours just trying to figure out where in the world Matt Laurer is. But when the Miley Cyrus pics came out Al was also forced to move up his masturbation rotation from 12 to 25 sometimes 30 sessions a day. Al this on top of his almost 24 vigil outside Heath Ledgers apartment, have worn Al out.
"He is just masterbating, like a man on fire, I have not seen go this hard since Katie Holmes one her tampons unflushed in the bathroom." Said a Today Show janitor.

Al like the rest of America also must ask himself, is Billy Ray having sexual relations with Miley Ray, and if not, why not?
      

Hillary Clinton Forms New Party, So She Can Run Against McCain and Obama

The New Party was formed late last night and is called The National Socialist  International party, or the  Nasi Party  for short.   

Hillary sad these powerful words to announce the new party and her new candidacy as a third party candidate.
"To a National Socialist, things like PRIDE, HONOR, LOYALTY, COURAGE, DISCIPLINE,   and MORALITY - actually MEAN something. Like our fore-fathers, we too are willing   to SACRIFICE to build a better world for our children whom we love deeply, and   like them as well - we are willing to DO ANYTHING NECESSARY to ACHIEVE THAT   GOAL."
  We are your brothers and your sisters, we are your fathers and your mothers,   your friends and your co-workers - WE ARE WHITE AMERICA, just like YOU!"

(West Virgina voters)






Hillary also makes a new youth group.

Some critics  say that  Hillary's call  for blood purity, is just another Clinton attempt to inject  race into the  campaign,   

"Barack Obama's dad married a white women, can we really trust that he won't try to do the same sort of thing,"  Hillary was quoted this afternoon.

                                 (The Hillary Youth) 

"I just want to create a place were young, American girls can feel safe to be themselves and to be proud of their heritage" Hillary said to reporters in West Virginia. "I am sick  of the  dangers  of cocaine, malt liquor , and dice  rolling, that these girls  face, also for three months  in college  Barack Obama  dated a white girl," Hillary quickly added. "vote for him by all means, just don't let your daughter sleep over at the White House, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.    
The Clinton campaign denies that they are playing the race  card  "We just want to point out the facts to the American people," Said a senior Clinton adviser.

Bush Prepares for Castro Funeral

 

President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro's funeral

Packing himself a sombrero and planning to make his famous Texas style tacos, President Bush made preparations to go to Castro's funeral. "I think it will be really neato," said the President. "We will have a fiesta, but a sad one, but still a good one." Bush claimed.

The announcement came as a shock to White House staffers who were under the impression that Bush did not know who Castro was. "This is just the sort of thing we usually have to deal with in the N.F.L's off season," said a very distressed Bush handler.  Bush seems to be under the impression that Castro was a big supporter in the War on terror and plans to present his widow a brand new "Cricket" cell phone. 

President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro's funeral

John McCain Picks Vice President

John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate.
"He reminds me of me when I was young and hip,
     John McCain shocked the political world today by picking  Justin Long as his running mate. McCain first noticed Long while he was watching "Reba" about five months ago in a Mac commercial. "He talks to that stiff shirt like I talk to uptight senators in debates," McCain said in a press conference. "He is so cool" McCain then did an air high five. Long was also surprised by the Senators move, and had no prior knowledge that an election was going on. McCain's decision comes on the heels of increasing GOP concerns about his mental health. Recently he has been  quoting  the Christopher Walken  monologue from "Pulp Fiction" as if it was his own story of the war.

 

McCain has started his strategy to appeal to youth voters. In recent campaign stops at local arcade McCain has been dressing and Talking in the style of his favorite American Graffiti character Bo Fetta.

"On the way over here I listening to my favorite  youth band Motley  Crew," McCain proudly told high schoolers at a rally  in Keene New Hampshire. "Next  Weekend  me  and Dole  are gonna drive up and down the strip,  we will race any tough and bang any beaver that comes along." McCain then did the karate move that Ralph Macchio   uses in the end fight of Karate kid. Minutes later McCain was rushed to the nearest hospital.

 

 

   

New Apple Iphone, to be marketed for Seniors

New Apple Iphone, to be marketed for Seniors

Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, promotes new Apple's iphone, for seniors, called "The Rummy"

 

Rumsfeld has been an opponent of the iphone since day one calling it at best "A device to make it easier for young people, like Sean Penn, to send each other pictures of their fannies."

But now old Rummy has taken matters into to his own hands. For they last several days Rumsfeld has been getting up at 4 in the morning and marching himself and a camouflaged shopping cart to his local "Best Buy" store. What's in the cart? Rumsfeld calls it the "Rummy," the senior alternative to the iphone. At first glance the Rummy looks like a dell laptop with a cell phone super glued to the back. But on closer inspection it is far worse. "I format the computers so they can't go on the internet, that way there is no risk of getting a young fannie in your e-mail box." Explained Rumsfeld, " also the phone is always on speaker so you always can shout at the same time as not being able to hear the person on the other line." I am proud of that little feature, Rumsfeld exclaimed.

   

Nor Apple, or dell, officially endorse the "Rummy," but that doesn't bother old Rumsfeld. "I stand outside the store for 12 sometimes 15 hours, those guys at Abu Grave can't even take 8 hours of standing." Rumsfeld who gave up sleeping in the late sixties do his anger about "Rock and Roll" spends the rest of his hours driving slowly by Colin Powells house, and working on his German World War 2 replica Tiger tank. The "Rummy" retails for $1,000 dollars, but young people can work it off by doing hard work in Rumsfeld's yard.

Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, promotes new Apple's iphone, for seniors, called "The Rummy"

 

Rumsfeld has been an opponent of the iphone since day one calling it at best "A device to make it easier for young people, like Sean Penn, to send each other pictures of their fannies."

But now old Rummy has taken matters into to his own hands. For they last several days Rumsfeld has been getting up at 4 in the morning and marching himself and a camouflaged shopping cart to his local "Best Buy" store. What's in the cart? Rumsfeld calls it the "Rummy," the senior alternative to the iphone. At first glance the Rummy looks like a dell laptop with a cell phone super glued to the back. But on closer inspection it is far worse. "I format the computers so they can't go on the internet, that way there is no risk of getting a young fannie in your e-mail box." Explained Rumsfeld, " also the phone is always on speaker so you always can shout at the same time as not being able to hear the person on the other line." I am proud of that little feature, Rumsfeld exclaimed.

   

Nor Apple, or dell, officially endorse the "Rummy," but that doesn't bother old Rumsfeld. "I stand outside the store for 12 sometimes 15 hours, those guys at Abu Grave can't even take 8 hours of standing." Rumsfeld who gave up sleeping in the late sixties do his anger about "Rock and Roll" spends the rest of his hours driving slowly by Colin Powells house, and working on his German World War 2 replica Tiger tank. The "Rummy" retails for $1,000 dollars, but young people can work it off by doing hard work in Rumsfeld's yard.