RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT UPDATE: Earlier today, congressman Ron Paul
was rushed to the hospital after ingesting an unknown foreign
substance. Investigators have not confirmed what caused Paul's critical
condition but they say that it is likely a toxic concoction of the
congressman's own making.
Since moving all his operations into the giant glass dome (see previous story)
constructed on his Texas ranch, aides say that the congressman has
become increasingly erratic. "All he ever talked about since going in
there was the new super-race of constitutionalists, and how he and his
brethren were going to eradicate the 'new world order' lap dogs." Said
a concerned Hulk Hogan who has been serving as Ron Paul's senior
campaign adviser.
Paul's followers became concerned when he failed to appear in the
'crow's nest' within the rule-free glass dome to address them with
their daily mission. "At first we thought that maybe he just didn't
want any mountain dew today," said Steve Sweeney, a former construction
worker who has quit his job, and left his family to devote himself
full time to Dr. Paul, "but then we realized that if he didn't get his
mountain dew, he couldn't stay up all night keeping watch for the
Zionist fellowship of the World Bank, you know if you sleep for more
than three minutes, they stick a micro-chip in your brain."
When emergency crews arrived at the scene they had to break
through the glass dome with a fire ax as the Congressman had refused
to build and entrance to his Utopian paradise.
"We're not sure what he ate," said rescue workers at the scene, "but
before he slipped into a comma all he could talk about were his
'Super-Paul-Pills' that were supposed to make him invincible."
According to reports all investigators found in Paul's private bunker
beneath the dome were thousands of acorns covered in chlorine.
"We're confident he'll come out of this and still have time to get the nomination." said Hulk Hogan.
Supporters have organized an around the clock vigil outside Paul's
hospital as they chant the parts of the Constitution they claim were
not written by the Mason-Zionist party.