BLACK DOG PRESS

Evil Super Delegates Come Out To Support Hillary

Evil Super Delegates Come Out To Support Hillary
Senator Palpatine and Count Dooku came out today in strong support of Hillary Clinton.

"Young Obama is gravely mistaken if believes  he will be the democratic nominee," Palpatine  decried  cryptically  as drank from his always present  Diet  Dr  Pepper,  which he calls pimp juice.  "His message of hope  and optimism is a message of weakness  and  cowardliness. He must give  in to  his hatred, strike Hillary down,  then I  would  consider  supporting him." 

Count Dooku himself was a Presidential hopefull, and won 90 percent of the vote in Utah, also came out in strong support of Hillary today. He plans on hunting down Super delegates on for Obama and slaying  them with  his lightsaber.  "My saber is just the catastrophe  Clinton  needs  to gain the nomination."   

Obama/Edwards 2008 The Real Dream Ticket

Obama/Edwards 2008  The Real Dream Ticket

If Hillary is on the Obama ticket then Barack Obama will cease to be a presidential candidate. He will become a sideshow to the Clinton circus. Bill, as this election has proven again and again will obviously not take a backseat to anyone, and Hillary will not take a backseat to Obama.
"Lets get a woman in the White House before we let Samba in." Hillary  said  last night in her Katie Couric interview.

Edwards solves the racist agrument that the Hillary camp claims they have not made. Edwards is a Southern boy, but not a good old boy. He attempts to be the champion of the poor. If he falls short he far more relatible to poor white voters then Hillary Clinton 

Slutty Girl Scout Sells 17,000 Boxes of Cookies

DEARBORN, Mich. – Jennifer Sharpe knows how to sell Girl Scout cookies. She sold them to friends. She sold them to strangers. She even convinced her orthodontist to buy the popular sweet treats.

"Do you want eat my cookie?" Jennifer would ask would be male buyers.
15 year old Jennifer  Sharpe has been a Girl Scout for 5 years, but the 15 year old got something for Christmas last year that gives her an edge. She grew into some big tits and a sweet ass. The flavor she sold the most of was caramel coconut. The words just rolled off her tongue. 

Girl Scout sets record for cookie sales with 17,323  boxes sold

    "Wanna Know the only thing that tastes better then  girl  scout  cookies?"

Hillary Clinton Praises Dog The Bounty Hunter

HONOLULU - Bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman’s cable TV show will soon be back on the air. Rednecks everywhere rejoice as they hear the news that Dog is coming back in action.
"This is even better then voting for Hillary Clinton," said a racist West Virginia voter.

Dog plans on getting back to what he does best  catching  dead beat  poor people who have  bench warrants.  Today Senator Clinton praised Dog while campaigning, "Like all the rest of you ignorant white uneducated voters I too love Dog the bounty hunter, and don't forget Barack Obama is a Darkie who hates America, and he even believes in evolution." Clinton then screamed like a little piggy to the drunken applause of the crowd.

Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates

"I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend.  Gore did  not specify  which  Super delegates  are considered the most  Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them.

   

Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate.

So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice.  Gore, who has been focusing  on trying  to keep his neck fat  from  taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions.  This year  he has had  mixed success  from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tipper will make out until Obama or Clinton make a deal," Gore said when pressed by reporters on what power he really had in the matter.  The real wild card in this process is Aquaman. The guardian of the sea has always been a necessary evil for the Democratic party, but his recent revelations over what can only be called sexual tastes, has made him very unpopular with many Americans. Especially those of us eat tuna from time to time. Aquaman has made a similar threat as Gore's, with the exception that when Aquaman makes out with his "wife" it is illegal in 49 states. Gore did not tip  on which candidate  he preferred and ended  his brief announcement with his usual cheery outlook on Global Warming. "Whoever is president is just going to have to deal with the fact that in five months New York city will be under the water and that people living near the the southern united states are gonna feel like the air around them is hot lava."   

"I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend.  Gore did  not specify  which  Super delegates  are considered the most  Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them.

   

Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate.

John McCain Picks Vice President

John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate.
"He reminds me of me when I was young and hip,
     John McCain shocked the political world today by picking  Justin Long as his running mate. McCain first noticed Long while he was watching "Reba" about five months ago in a Mac commercial. "He talks to that stiff shirt like I talk to uptight senators in debates," McCain said in a press conference. "He is so cool" McCain then did an air high five. Long was also surprised by the Senators move, and had no prior knowledge that an election was going on. McCain's decision comes on the heels of increasing GOP concerns about his mental health. Recently he has been  quoting  the Christopher Walken  monologue from "Pulp Fiction" as if it was his own story of the war.

 

McCain has started his strategy to appeal to youth voters. In recent campaign stops at local arcade McCain has been dressing and Talking in the style of his favorite American Graffiti character Bo Fetta.

"On the way over here I listening to my favorite  youth band  Motley  Crew," McCain proudly told high schoolers at a rally  in Keene New Hampshire. "Next  Weekend  me  and Dole  are gonna drive up and down the strip,  we will race any tough and bang any beaver that comes along." McCain then did the karate move that Ralph Macchio   uses in the end fight of Karate kid. Minutes later McCain was rushed to the nearest hospital.

 

   

Edwards Endorses Obama. Will Edwards be tapped for Vice

"The reason I'm here tonight is because the Democratic voters have made their choice, and so have I," he told the boisterous crowd.

Will Edwards be tapped for Vice President?

Edwards who took the job at Mill with his dad after dropping out of the Presidential contest, spends most of his free time writing Three's Company fan fiction and waiting for his wife to die.
"When Elizabeth dies I think I'll just up load the Saub and move to  Portland, I just want to be in between  not straight  or gay,  just a regular  Portland  guy." Edwards said while fastening his fanny  pack.

The Clinton camp was  quick to point out  that nobody really  liked  Edwards  in high school, "He was  a shorp little shrimpy  guy  with a  gay  lisp, and the fact is he still is." Said Terry McAuliffe.

The Clinton campaign also claims that  Senator Clinton has surpassed Obama in the popular  vote. "It just  depends on what your definition of  popular  is." Said Bill Clinton. The Clinton camp claims that Obama only gets unpopular votes from young people and blacks, and they do not count when adding up the popular vote.   

 

BARACK OBAMA IS THE DEVIL

Hillary Clinton Wins West Virginia

Clinton changes her no vagina left behind slogan to no whitey left behind and wins the red neck state by a huge margin.   
Clinton plans on winning a couple more insignificant contests before making her final threat to the Super delegates.

"Either give  Hillary the nomination or watch her make sure  John McCain beats Obama in November," said soulless Clinton Campaign Chairman Terry McAuliffe.

McAuliffe, like many Clinton supporters only gets through the day with the power of his own self loathing. He hopes to get to June 3 before he kills himself but  he admits  he  may  not make it.

Ron Paul Hospitalized: In Critical Condition

Ron Paul Hospitalized: In Critical Condition

RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT UPDATE: Earlier today, congressman Ron Paul was rushed to the hospital after ingesting an unknown foreign substance. Investigators have not confirmed what caused Paul's critical condition but they say that it is likely a toxic concoction of the congressman's own making. 

Since moving all his operations into the giant glass dome (see previous story) constructed on his Texas ranch, aides say that the congressman has become increasingly erratic. "All  he ever talked about since going in there was the new super-race of constitutionalists, and how he and his brethren were going to eradicate the 'new world order' lap dogs." Said a concerned Hulk Hogan who has been serving as Ron Paul's senior campaign adviser.

Paul's followers became concerned when he failed to appear in the 'crow's nest' within the rule-free glass dome to address them with their daily mission.  "At first we thought that maybe he just didn't want any mountain dew today," said Steve Sweeney, a former construction worker who has  quit his job, and left his family to devote himself full time to  Dr. Paul, "but then we realized that if he didn't get his mountain dew, he couldn't stay up all night keeping watch for the Zionist fellowship of the World Bank, you know if you sleep for more than three minutes, they stick a micro-chip in your brain."

When emergency crews arrived at the scene  they had to  break through the glass dome with a fire ax as  the  Congressman  had refused to build and entrance to his Utopian paradise.

"We're not sure what he ate," said rescue workers at the scene, "but before he slipped into a comma all he could talk about were his 'Super-Paul-Pills' that were supposed to make him invincible." According to reports all investigators found in  Paul's  private bunker beneath the dome were thousands of acorns covered in chlorine.

"We're confident he'll come out of this and still have time to get the nomination." said Hulk Hogan.

Supporters  have  organized an around the clock vigil outside Paul's hospital as they chant the parts of the Constitution they claim were not written by the Mason-Zionist  party.

RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT UPDATE: Earlier today, congressman Ron Paul was rushed to the hospital after ingesting an unknown foreign substance. Investigators have not confirmed what caused Paul's critical condition but they say that it is likely a toxic concoction of the congressman's own making. 

Since moving all his operations into the giant glass dome (see previous story) constructed on his Texas ranch, aides say that the congressman has become increasingly erratic. "All  he ever talked about since going in there was the new super-race of constitutionalists, and how he and his brethren were going to eradicate the 'new world order' lap dogs." Said a concerned Hulk Hogan who has been serving as Ron Paul's senior campaign adviser.

Paul's followers became concerned when he failed to appear in the 'crow's nest' within the rule-free glass dome to address them with their daily mission.  "At first we thought that maybe he just didn't want any mountain dew today," said Steve Sweeney, a former construction worker who has  quit his job, and left his family to devote himself full time to  Dr. Paul, "but then we realized that if he didn't get his mountain dew, he couldn't stay up all night keeping watch for the Zionist fellowship of the World Bank, you know if you sleep for more than three minutes, they stick a micro-chip in your brain."

When emergency crews arrived at the scene  they had to  break through the glass dome with a fire ax as  the  Congressman  had refused to build and entrance to his Utopian paradise.

"We're not sure what he ate," said rescue workers at the scene, "but before he slipped into a comma all he could talk about were his 'Super-Paul-Pills' that were supposed to make him invincible." According to reports all investigators found in  Paul's  private bunker beneath the dome were thousands of acorns covered in chlorine.

"We're confident he'll come out of this and still have time to get the nomination." said Hulk Hogan.

Supporters  have  organized an around the clock vigil outside Paul's hospital as they chant the parts of the Constitution they claim were not written by the Mason-Zionist  party.