Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes.
"I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt.
The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all."
"I'm really sorry for inspiring fear and alternative difficult lifestyles for so many people", said Gore. "Son of a bitch is Ed Begley Jr. gonna be mad or what?"
Gore went on to explain that he was really just bored and lonely after losing the presidency to George Bush. "It was like being in the Clinton Administration all over again. Stuck in a house with nothing to do with a fat old cow interested in nothing I have to say."
"Don't get me wrong Tipper's great and all, but we just don't have what you could call a "talking" relationship. Back in the 90's as you know I invented the internet just to pass the time. That's what got me thinking I was probably a scientist. So after the 2000 election, and 6 months of binge eating at an Arby's I decided it was time to invent global warming."
Gore finished the press conference by announcing that he will dismantle his laboratory and try not to invent anything else. "I had my sights set on inventing another planet," Gore said, "but I think for now the world needs me to get a new hobby."