BLACK DOG PRESS

Clinton Running a Positive non Race Baiting Campaign?

Clinton Running a Positive non Race Baiting Campaign?
Hillary Clinton wants to die an ugly political death, and resembles the melting witch from Oz, as she refuses to accept that she has lost. West Virginia will be her most shameful contest yet.

   

"There was just an AP article posted that found how Sen. Obama's support among hardworking Americans, white Americans is weakening again, and how the whites in both states that have not completed college were supporting me," Clinton said in a USA Today interview May 7.

And they were  waving and cheering  as the Senator  made her speech. Only ignorant people would think that Hillary Clinton's rhetoric or campaign is playing race, or being negative. Then from a tree a young girl, who was not screened by the Clinton ministers, spoke out. The young girl pointed at Hillary and shouted, "The Senator has no morales." Suddenly the people realized the simple truth in the words of the child. After all, they said to themselves, did not Obama  win states with great  white majorities? Why is Senator  Clinton  using very direct  divisive talk  about race?  It couldn't  be  that she doesn't want Barack Obama  to loose in November to John McCain?   The good people that once believed in Hillary Clinton sadly walked away. Some people walked away from the the election altogether, and Senator Clinton was happy.

Senator Clinton went home and had a tailor make a fantastic new pants suit. The most beautiful pants suit in all the land. The pants suit said "Hillary 2012"

Obama Buys His First Billy Joel CD

In an attempt to bridge the gap he has with uneducated white voters, Barack Obama went into a West Virginia Wall mart and bought his very first Billie Joel CD. Billie Joel's Greatest Hits.
"Wow it was really awesome, Barack said after only 40 seconds of listening to it."

Barack also bought the first five seasons of Friends and some new ammo for all the deer hunting he plans on doing in the next week.

"Barack really is loving his new white lifestyle," said a senior Obama staff member. "He even did the tomahawk chop at the Washington National game yesterday, and the braves weren't even playing!"

Ignorant whites everywhere are taking a second look at Barack.  "I thought he was too much like that  bad Ni#^ER  Malcolm X, but I think he might be more like that nice colored boy Will Smith," said an ignorant non college educated white, who still loves Hillary. 

Gore to Make An Inconvenient Truth Part 2

Gore to Make An Inconvenient Truth Part 2, or  ICT2J.

Gore promises more action in the sequel, which he says is part De Vinci Code, part National Treasure.

Gore will star along with his friend and long time political intellect

Steven Seagal!

The two friend met at a  Hooters sponsored  fat guy  wet  t-shirt  contest,  in which Gore won  what he calls his first Noble prize. 

The movie will be directed by Michael Bay, and promises Lava flowing through New York City, and Polar Bears being forced into concentration camps by an evil Republican administration. There will also be a love scene between  Gore and Jessica Alba that  very reminiscent of the romantic  Al and Tipper Gore make  out session  of the 2000 election. "Al makes love making look like a mother bird  feeding  her  young baby," said Bay. It's just so disgusting, I think it's why actresses are regarded as such whores, I mean really, she would F#ck Gore if we paid her enough money, except I think she did anyway, In fact I don't think there was a guy on the crew of Truth 2 that didn't get his dick drained by that Latin slut"

Summer 2009!

Happy Mother's Day Jessic Alba, You Hot Slut

This how is  good Catholic girl Jessica Alba got pregnant. Or at least what happened immediately before. It makes me want to have babies, so does this.    

So Happy mother's day Jessica, you make that Angelina Jolie look like a broken  down  brick house, you make motherhood  sexy  again.  But please  no more  dumb  movies with  that A-hole Dane Cook.
And what's up with that invisible girl you play in those crazy Fantastic 4 movies,  your  only invisible when  your naked,  and only naked when your invisible!  WTF!

DMX Likes To Kill Dogs

DMX Dog fighting lyrics

As authorities dig up dead dogs at the house that DMX built, Michael Vick finds Jesus.
Which leads us to ask is there Dog fighting in Heaven.

Meanwhile Rapper DMX, sees no end to his dog fighting days, and plans to release a new album, "I Like to Kill Bitches." Representatives for the rapper insist that X is only talking about degrading women and is in no way trying to glamorize dog fighting.

As dead dogs pile up on X's property, a very sullen Michael Vick plead guilty yesterday, and for the first time in his career tried to appeal to the red neck fans in the N.F.L. Like a gay Republican politician, Vick has desperately found Jesus. Exactly were he found the Messiah we can't be sure, but it just happens to coincide with the death of his career. But it seems Jesus just might be the trick for Vick, as Atlanta Falcons owner stated there may be some redemption for the disgraced quarterback. In meantime Vick will dedicate the time before he inevitably will have to go to prison, visiting pet cemeteries, and reading to sick dogs.

Meanwhile Rapper DMX, sees no end to his dog fighting days, and plans to release a new album, "I Like to Kill Bitches." Representatives for the rapper insist that X is only talking about degrading women and is in no way trying to glamorize dog fighting.

   

   

As authorities dig up dead dogs at the house that DMX built, Michael Vick finds Jesus.
Which leads us to ask is there Dog fighting in Heaven.

Meanwhile Rapper DMX, sees no end to his dog fighting days, and plans to release a new album, "I Like to Kill Bitches." Representatives for the rapper insist that X is only talking about degrading women and is in no way trying to glamorize dog fighting.

As dead dogs pile up on X's property, a very sullen Michael Vick plead guilty yesterday, and for the first time in his career tried to appeal to the red neck fans in the N.F.L. Like a gay Republican politician, Vick has desperately found Jesus. Exactly were he found the Messiah we can't be sure, but it just happens to coincide with the death of his career. But it seems Jesus just might be the trick for Vick, as Atlanta Falcons owner stated there may be some redemption for the disgraced quarterback. In meantime Vick will dedicate the time before he inevitably will have to go to prison, visiting pet cemeteries, and reading to sick dogs.

Meanwhile Rapper DMX, sees no end to his dog fighting days, and plans to release a new album, "I Like to Kill Bitches." Representatives for the rapper insist that X is only talking about degrading women and is in no way trying to glamorize dog fighting.

   

New Apple Iphone, to be marketed for Seniors

New Apple Iphone, to be marketed for Seniors

Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, promotes new Apple's iphone, for seniors, called "The Rummy"

 

Rumsfeld has been an opponent of the iphone since day one calling it at best "A device to make it easier for young people, like Sean Penn, to send each other pictures of their fannies."

But now old Rummy has taken matters into to his own hands. For they last several days Rumsfeld has been getting up at 4 in the morning and marching himself and a camouflaged shopping cart to his local "Best Buy" store. What's in the cart? Rumsfeld calls it the "Rummy," the senior alternative to the iphone. At first glance the Rummy looks like a dell laptop with a cell phone super glued to the back. But on closer inspection it is far worse. "I format the computers so they can't go on the internet, that way there is no risk of getting a young fannie in your e-mail box." Explained Rumsfeld, " also the phone is always on speaker so you always can shout at the same time as not being able to hear the person on the other line." I am proud of that little feature, Rumsfeld exclaimed.

   

Nor Apple, or dell, officially endorse the "Rummy," but that doesn't bother old Rumsfeld. "I stand outside the store for 12 sometimes 15 hours, those guys at Abu Grave can't even take 8 hours of standing." Rumsfeld who gave up sleeping in the late sixties do his anger about "Rock and Roll" spends the rest of his hours driving slowly by Colin Powells house, and working on his German World War 2 replica Tiger tank. The "Rummy" retails for $1,000 dollars, but young people can work it off by doing hard work in Rumsfeld's yard.

Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, promotes new Apple's iphone, for seniors, called "The Rummy"

 

Rumsfeld has been an opponent of the iphone since day one calling it at best "A device to make it easier for young people, like Sean Penn, to send each other pictures of their fannies."

But now old Rummy has taken matters into to his own hands. For they last several days Rumsfeld has been getting up at 4 in the morning and marching himself and a camouflaged shopping cart to his local "Best Buy" store. What's in the cart? Rumsfeld calls it the "Rummy," the senior alternative to the iphone. At first glance the Rummy looks like a dell laptop with a cell phone super glued to the back. But on closer inspection it is far worse. "I format the computers so they can't go on the internet, that way there is no risk of getting a young fannie in your e-mail box." Explained Rumsfeld, " also the phone is always on speaker so you always can shout at the same time as not being able to hear the person on the other line." I am proud of that little feature, Rumsfeld exclaimed.

   

Nor Apple, or dell, officially endorse the "Rummy," but that doesn't bother old Rumsfeld. "I stand outside the store for 12 sometimes 15 hours, those guys at Abu Grave can't even take 8 hours of standing." Rumsfeld who gave up sleeping in the late sixties do his anger about "Rock and Roll" spends the rest of his hours driving slowly by Colin Powells house, and working on his German World War 2 replica Tiger tank. The "Rummy" retails for $1,000 dollars, but young people can work it off by doing hard work in Rumsfeld's yard.

Al Gore Admits Global Warming Is A Big Fat Lie

Al Gore Admits Global Warming Is Wrong

Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. 

"I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt.

The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all."

"I'm really sorry for inspiring fear and alternative difficult lifestyles for so many people", said Gore. "Son of a bitch is Ed Begley Jr. gonna be mad or what?"

Gore went on to explain that he was really just bored and lonely after losing the presidency to George Bush. "It was like being in the Clinton Administration all over again. Stuck in a house with nothing to do with a fat old cow interested in nothing I have to say."

"Don't get me wrong Tipper's great and all, but we just don't have what you could call a "talking" relationship. Back in the 90's as you know I invented the internet just to pass the time. That's what got me thinking I was probably a scientist. So after the 2000 election, and 6 months of binge eating at an Arby's I decided it was time to invent global warming."

Gore finished the press conference by announcing that he will dismantle his laboratory and try not to invent anything else. "I had my sights set on inventing another planet," Gore said, "but I think for now the world needs me to get a new hobby."

Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. 

Bush to Go to Castro's Funeral

Bush will go to Fidel Castro's Funeral

President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro's funeral

Packing himself a sombrero and planning to make his famous Texas style tacos, President Bush made preparations to go to Castro's funeral. "I think it will be really neato," said the President. "We will have a fiesta, but a sad one, but still a good one." Bush claimed.

The announcement came as a shock to White House staffers who were under the impression that Bush did not know who Castro was. "This is just the sort of thing we usually have to deal with in the N.F.L's off season," said a very distressed Bush handler.  Bush seems to be under the impression that Castro was a big supporter in the War on terror and plans to present his widow a brand new "Cricket" cell phone. 

Bush will go to Fidel Castro's Funeral

President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro's funeral

Packing himself a sombrero and planning to make his famous Texas style tacos, President Bush made preparations to go to Castro's funeral. "I think it will be really neato," said the President. "We will have a fiesta, but a sad one, but still a good one." Bush claimed.

The announcement came as a shock to White House staffers who were under the impression that Bush did not know who Castro was. "This is just the sort of thing we usually have to deal with in the N.F.L's off season," said a very distressed Bush handler.  Bush seems to be under the impression that Castro was a big supporter in the War on terror and plans to present his widow a brand new "Cricket" cell phone. 

President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro's funeral

Bush Wedding Crowns New Biggest Douche Bag in The World

Bush Wedding Crowns New biggest Douche Bag in The World. And the Winner is...
Henry Hager!

First daughter Jenna Bush and Henry Hager, the son of a well-connected Virginia Republican, say "I do" Saturday on President Bush's 1,600-acre ranch near Crawford, Texas.
Jenna Bush is just trying to live a regular life and keeps going on by reminder herself, "At least I am not one of Al Gore's children."

Congratulations Henry Hager you are now the biggest Douche bag in the world. Reining worlds biggest douche bag, Sean Penn, called Henry Hager earlier today to pass the torch. "I guess I will just have to retire and hang out  with Lance Armstrong  and Michael Jordon,  like them I was the greatest  but it's  time for a new  generation of douche bags  to have their turn."  A teary eyed Penn  said to an audience of dozens.

Presidents George W Bush's Guide to a Texas Father of the bride.

1. Watch father of the bride staring Steve Martin

2. Hire a hilarious gay wedding planner,  preferably  Martin Short

3. Hate that gay wedding planner, he is so silly  and should never be allowed to get  Married

4. Hate Dianne  Keaton.

5. Have your friend Dick Cheney take your  future  son in law  bird hunting.  Then in front of him shoot some old guy  in the face  and say  "That what happens  to guys  who try to hurt  my little girl

Follow all these rules  and your mission will be accomplished.

Al Roker "Speed Racer Is Awesome!"

Today show co-host and political activist Al Roker has made another bold and contraversial statement today. "Speed Racer Is Awesome! Oh, and before I forget, go see Speed Racer, or by God I will hunt down Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) and Impregnate her." Al, who now only refers himself in the third person as the Weatherman, has added Christina Ricci to his list of women he would like to impregnate.

Al, has also gotten in line early for his other most favorite movie, Sisterhood of the traveling pants part 2. Dressed in an Iron man  costume that he has made out of  tinfoil and orange spray pant,  Roker has  camped himself out  in  front  of  a Regal Cinema in Manhattan.   

Bill and Chelsea Clinton Come Out And Support Obama

Shelter from the storm. Bill and Chelsea Clinton have fled the Clinton "Victory Bunker," and our now in a hideaway house somewhere across the Canadian border. 
In recent days Hillary has been talking about victory or death.

"Don't you want be with mommy when she is president of heaven?" Hillary reportedly asked Chelsea after the results in North Carolina and Indiana.

Bill Knew he had to take action. Late last night as Hillary slept in a lazy boy with a revolver in her right hand and cyanide pills on her  T.V. tray table, Bill and Chel disguised themselves as peasants and used false papers to get by Hillary's SS (secret service) troops. 

The ploy worked and Chelsea and Bill have escaped to Canada, where they plan to change their names and live simple quite lives.

Gay Actor and Activist Supports Barack Obama

Tom Hanks Shocking Gay Film from his Past!

The movie Tom Hanks doesn't want his fans to know about, a little known film called Philadelphia, a gay-exploitation film,  in which he has gay sex in a porno theater.

Before he was "Forest Gump", before he was the guy from the "Terminal" Tom Hanks made a gay-exploitation film to help pay the bills before his career took off. A little movie called "Philadelphia" in which Hanks has sex with random men until he contracts aids. Also in the film was the struggling Antonio Banderas, who also plays a promiscuous gay man. Reps from Hanks deny the existence of this soft core gay Porno, but copies of the film have been circulating in the press for weeks, and story is about to break. It's hard to say how the knowledge of the film will effect Hanks career, but the public usually does not like to be lied to for so many years. Hank's would not confirm deny his involvement in the film but plans to address it later in a press conference this week.

Obama calls the film Philadelphia decadent and against everything he believes in. Barack stopped short of condemning Tom Hanks. His refusal to denounce Tom, will only fuel speculation that Barack Obama is pro-gay. Hillary Clinton has already been quoted "If Tom Hanks came out to support me, I would go Mathew Shepered on his ass, to quote the great emem, gay people, I hate them." Hillary then drank 2 shots of old crow, shot a dear, and made out with her cousin, continuing to court the blue collar redneck voters that won her Pennsylvania.      

The movie Tom Hanks doesn't want his fans to know about, a little known film called Philadelphia, a gay-exploitation film,  in which he has gay sex in a porno theater.