BLACK DOG PRESS

Shia LaBeouf Speaks about Megan Fox

ACTUAL QUOTES FROM SHIA LABEOUF

Actual Quotes From Shia LaBeouf

The actor who gets to be in Transformers with 

Megan Fox

seems to only be able to focus on phallic images

and Steven Spielberg,

as demonstrated from a quote

from one of his latest interviews.

"When I was a kid I used to dress 

up as a clown and do "tricks" 

in front of my fathers hot dog stand.

I was helping to sell the "hot dogs".

Now I basically do the same thing 

except Steven Spielberg is selling

the hot dogs."

-From the mouth of Shia.

Now for all who were forced to read that,

a hot picture of Megan Fox.

Actual Quotes From Shia LaBeouf

The actor who gets to be in Transformers with 

Megan Fox

seems to only be able to focus on phallic images

and Steven Spielberg,

as demonstrated from a quote

from one of his latest interviews.

"When I was a kid I used to dress 

up as a clown and do "tricks" 

in front of my fathers hot dog stand.

I was helping to sell the "hot dogs".

Now I basically do the same thing 

except Steven Spielberg is selling

the hot dogs."

-From the mouth of Shia.

Now for all who were forced to read that,

a hot picture of Megan Fox.

Greatest celeb hook-up, since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

HOLLYWOOD ROMANCE?

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell may be more than just castmates, say some on the set of the new movie overboard. 
"This could be the greatest celeb hook-up, since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie." said an unnamed source on the set.

Romance is in the air on the set of the new movie "Overboard". The movie staring new comer Kurt Russel and vetern comic actress Goldie Hawn has set tongues awagging, as sourses speculate on the reletionship between the two stars. Reps from Hawn and Russell are mum on the rumor, but teast audiences can not deny the the chemistry between them. Watch out Brad and Angelina it looks like there is a new it couple in Hollywood.

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell may be more than just castmates, say some on the set of the new movie overboard. 
"This could be the greatest celeb hook-up, since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie." said an unnamed source on the set.

Romance is in the air on the set of the new movie "Overboard". The movie staring new comer Kurt Russel and vetern comic actress Goldie Hawn has set tongues awagging, as sourses speculate on the reletionship between the two stars. Reps from Hawn and Russell are mum on the rumor, but teast audiences can not deny the the chemistry between them. Watch out Brad and Angelina it looks like there is a new it couple in Hollywood.

Chewbacca Comes Out of The Closet

GAYS PULL ANOTHER FAST ONE ON THE STRAIGHTS

PORTLAND, OREGON —  A STATE LAW ALLOWING GAY COUPLES TO REGISTER AS DOMESTIC PARTNERS BELATEDLY TOOK EFFECT AFTER A FEDERAL JUDGE RULED THE STATE'S PROCESS OF DISQUALIFYING PETITION SIGNATURES WAS CONSISTENT ENOUGH TO BE VALID. GREAT NEWS FOR  LOCAL COUPLE HARRY,  FROM HARRY AND THE  HENDERSONS,  AND HIS LONG TIME PARTNER CHEWBACCA.
       

They first met at a Star Treck convention in 1993, and have been together since. "It's  just so hard to find a guy my size,"  said Chewbacca.  Chewbacca was inspired to come out of the closet by long time friend and gay activist, 3-cpo.  "I used to date girls who didn't know why I was so moody," laughed the mighty Chewbacca.
Harry on the other hand has being openly  gay for years. "Oh, honey  I was the little SASQUATCH at school who listened to Cher , and hung out with the  girls in the bathroom," said the flamboyant Harry.  "I knew  Chewy  was gay when I saw  him, I just had to  get  him used to the idea,  listen up girlfriends  a cheap merlot and  some straight porn did  the trick for me."  The Happy couple  plan on  going to the  moon of Endor, notorious  vacation spot  for gay  men  on the prowl  for cheap  Ewok prostitutes. 

PORTLAND, OREGON —  A STATE LAW ALLOWING GAY COUPLES TO REGISTER AS DOMESTIC PARTNERS BELATEDLY TOOK EFFECT AFTER A FEDERAL JUDGE RULED THE STATE'S PROCESS OF DISQUALIFYING PETITION SIGNATURES WAS CONSISTENT ENOUGH TO BE VALID. GREAT NEWS FOR  LOCAL COUPLE HARRY,  FROM HARRY AND THE  HENDERSONS,  AND HIS LONG TIME PARTNER CHEWBACCA.
       

They first met at a Star Treck convention in 1993, and have been together since. "It's  just so hard to find a guy my size,"  said Chewbacca.  Chewbacca was inspired to come out of the closet by long time friend and gay activist, 3-cpo.  "I used to date girls who didn't know why I was so moody," laughed the mighty Chewbacca.
Harry on the other hand has being openly  gay for years. "Oh, honey  I was the little SASQUATCH at school who listened to Cher , and hung out with the  girls in the bathroom," said the flamboyant Harry.  "I knew  Chewy  was gay when I saw  him, I just had to  get  him used to the idea,  listen up girlfriends  a cheap merlot and  some straight porn did  the trick for me."  The Happy couple  plan on  going to the  moon of Endor, notorious  vacation spot  for gay  men  on the prowl  for cheap  Ewok prostitutes. 

Angelina Jolie Speaks Out About Brad Pitt And Reveals Shocking News About Their Split:

Angelina Jolie Speaks Out About Brad Pitt And Reveals Shocking News About Their Split:

Earlier today actress Angelina Jolie, known for her critically acclaimed performances in both Tomb Raider movies, and for wearing a vile of Billy Bob Thornton's Blood during that shame of a marriage, spoke about her failed relationship with superstar Brad Pitt on the Oprah Winfrey talk show.

"I just realized, he didn't wear that Pirate outfit to bed for me," Jolie said, "he wore it because George Clooney had sat on it at a party." Jolie went on to discuss  how what she at first saw as  Pitt's friendship with actor George Clooney was really a growing obsession.

"He would stand naked in front of the mirror, sometimes  for hours flexing his muscles in different poses, asking which I thought George would like best."

However the pirate costume  Pitt became obsessed with, and according to Jolie,  came to wear under his regular clothes finally pushed the actress over the edge.

"He just had to feel close to George...To his smell, his person-hood, it just got to be too much. I mean you don't steal another woman's husband just to find out he's  infatuated with  the star of the  gayest  Batman  film, that's no dream come true."

Angelina Jolie Speaks Out About Brad Pitt And Reveals Shocking News About Their Split:

Earlier today actress Angelina Jolie, known for her critically acclaimed performances in both Tomb Raider movies, and for wearing a vile of Billy Bob Thornton's Blood during that shame of a marriage, spoke about her failed relationship with superstar Brad Pitt on the Oprah Winfrey talk show.

"I just realized, he didn't wear that Pirate outfit to bed for me," Jolie said, "he wore it because George Clooney had sat on it at a party." Jolie went on to discuss  how what she at first saw as  Pitt's friendship with actor George Clooney was really a growing obsession.

"He would stand naked in front of the mirror, sometimes  for hours flexing his muscles in different poses, asking which I thought George would like best."

However the pirate costume  Pitt became obsessed with, and according to Jolie,  came to wear under his regular clothes finally pushed the actress over the edge.

"He just had to feel close to George...To his smell, his person-hood, it just got to be too much. I mean you don't steal another woman's husband just to find out he's  infatuated with  the star of the  gayest  Batman  film, that's no dream come true."

Angelina Jolie Speaks Out About Brad Pitt And Reveals Shocking News About Their Split:

Earlier today actress Angelina Jolie, known for her critically acclaimed performances in both Tomb Raider movies, and for wearing a vile of Billy Bob Thornton's Blood during that shame of a marriage, spoke about her failed relationship with superstar Brad Pitt on the Oprah Winfrey talk show.

"I just realized, he didn't wear that Pirate outfit to bed for me," Jolie said, "he wore it because George Clooney had sat on it at a party." Jolie went on to discuss  how what she at first saw as  Pitt's friendship with actor George Clooney was really a growing obsession.

"He would stand naked in front of the mirror, sometimes  for hours flexing his muscles in different poses, asking which I thought George would like best."

However the pirate costume  Pitt became obsessed with, and according to Jolie,  came to wear under his regular clothes finally pushed the actress over the edge.

"He just had to feel close to George...To his smell, his person-hood, it just got to be too much. I mean you don't steal another woman's husband just to find out he's  infatuated with  the star of the  gayest  Batman  film, that's no dream come true."

The Sluttly Girl Scout Sells Cookies for Universal Healthcare

"I just love universal healthcare," the slutty girl scout said when announcing her support for Barrack Obama's new plan

DEARBORN, Mich. – Jenny Shaffer knows how to sell Girl Scout cookies. She sold them to friends. She sold them to strangers. She even convinced her orthodontist to buy the popular sweet treats.

"Do you want eat my cookie?" Jennifer would ask would be male buyers.
15 year old Jennifer  Sharpe has been a Girl Scout for 5 years, but the 15 year old got something for Christmas last year that gives her an edge. She grew into some big tits and a sweet ass. The flavor she sold the most of was caramel coconut. The words just rolled off her tongue. 

GIRL SCOUT SETS RECORD FOR COOKIE SALES WITH 17,321  BOXES SOLD

    

"I just love universal healthcare," the slutty girl scout said when announcing her support for Barrack Obama's new plan

DEARBORN, Mich. – Jenny Shaffer knows how to sell Girl Scout cookies. She sold them to friends. She sold them to strangers. She even convinced her orthodontist to buy the popular sweet treats.

"Do you want eat my cookie?" Jennifer would ask would be male buyers.
15 year old Jennifer  Sharpe has been a Girl Scout for 5 years, but the 15 year old got something for Christmas last year that gives her an edge. She grew into some big tits and a sweet ass. The flavor she sold the most of was caramel coconut. The words just rolled off her tongue. 

GIRL SCOUT SETS RECORD FOR COOKIE SALES WITH 17,321  BOXES SOLD

    

Michael Jackson, King of Pedophiles, Dead

Michael Jackson, King of Pedophiles, Dead

Fans across the globe mourn

the amazing artist,

and we can only imagine 

the great music he will never create,

as we can only sit in wonderment

of all the little boys he will

never be able to rape.

Here are Just a few of

Michael's "Lost Boys."

The Jonas Brothers,

With just 3 diet cokes filled with Jesus juice,

beautiful music could have been made.

The Young Haley Joel Osment,

Michael never went to bed without masturbating,

to one of Haley's films.

Ben Seaver,

He always gave Michael "growing pains,"

(in his penis)

NEW MEL GIBSON MOVIE OFFENDS!

NEW MEL GIBSON MOVIE OFFENDS!

CONTROVERSIAL DIRECTOR TO HEAD LONG AWAITED BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE III

Mel Gibson has started production on the mother of all trilogies. The star of "What Women Want" states this will be the most important project since his culturally diverse Lethal Weapon 4. Which Gibson himself sees as a hard act to follow, stating, "Ya know that LW4, ain't no crow to stone...I acted with both blacks and Chinese in that one."

Unlike the first 2 installments of Big Momma's House the stars of this latest edition including franchise name Martin Lawrence will be facing ground breaking challenges during production. "The entire film" Gibson insists, "will be shot in ancient Ebonics" and the director hasn't decided whether or not to include subtitles for suburban white kids.

However, in classic Gibson form, the script has already gathered some criticism from concerned Rabbias throughout the nation. The Rabbias suggest that a scene depicting "Big Momma's" trip to a restaurant has anti-Semitic dialog, when "Big momma" complains that the waiter is trying to "Jew the numbers."

The film focuses on Martin Lawrence, an FBI agent, who poses as "Big Momma" in order to go undercover in an all Women's nudist college. Hilarity and social commentary ensue as Martin Lawrence has to suppress his natural attraction to the 20 something naked students while dressed as a fat old black woman. The details of some of these interactions are not for the squeamish--the FBI agent, must "hilariously" cover his shame with a hot dog bun at a sorority picnic.

The films plot has also drawn criticism from across the board, as the central focus of "Big Momma's" investigation has the star solving what Gibson has to date only referred to as "the holocaust hoax."

In a related story fellow director and People magazine's sexiest man of the year winner, George Clooney, has begun production on a remake of an older Mel Gibson/Goldie Hawn classic "Bird on a Wire". Clooney, who is best known for his portrayal of the gayest Batman ever, has added some twists to the plot. In this version the Mel and Goldie characters discover some unsettling facts about the Bush administration's role in the Alberto Gonzales scandals.

CONTROVERSIAL DIRECTOR TO HEAD LONG AWAITED BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE III

Mel Gibson has started production on the mother of all trilogies. The star of "What Women Want" states this will be the most important project since his culturally diverse Lethal Weapon 4. Which Gibson himself sees as a hard act to follow, stating, "Ya know that LW4, ain't no crow to stone...I acted with both blacks and Chinese in that one."

Unlike the first 2 installments of Big Momma's House the stars of this latest edition including franchise name Martin Lawrence will be facing ground breaking challenges during production. "The entire film" Gibson insists, "will be shot in ancient Ebonics" and the director hasn't decided whether or not to include subtitles for suburban white kids.

However, in classic Gibson form, the script has already gathered some criticism from concerned Rabbias throughout the nation. The Rabbias suggest that a scene depicting "Big Momma's" trip to a restaurant has anti-Semitic dialog, when "Big momma" complains that the waiter is trying to "Jew the numbers."

The film focuses on Martin Lawrence, an FBI agent, who poses as "Big Momma" in order to go undercover in an all Women's nudist college. Hilarity and social commentary ensue as Martin Lawrence has to suppress his natural attraction to the 20 something naked students while dressed as a fat old black woman. The details of some of these interactions are not for the squeamish--the FBI agent, must "hilariously" cover his shame with a hot dog bun at a sorority picnic.

The films plot has also drawn criticism from across the board, as the central focus of "Big Momma's" investigation has the star solving what Gibson has to date only referred to as "the holocaust hoax."

In a related story fellow director and People magazine's sexiest man of the year winner, George Clooney, has begun production on a remake of an older Mel Gibson/Goldie Hawn classic "Bird on a Wire". Clooney, who is best known for his portrayal of the gayest Batman ever, has added some twists to the plot. In this version the Mel and Goldie characters discover some unsettling facts about the Bush administration's role in the Alberto Gonzales scandals.

ISLAM'S ANSWER TO THE SPICE GIRLS

ISLAM'S ANSWER TO THE SPICE GIRLS

As the Spice Girls get ready for a new tour, The new Islamic group "The Good Wives" release their new single, "If you wanna be my Husband."

The new Islamic group "The Good wives" has taken the Islamic world by storm. They reject the Satanic view of "Girl Power" and replace it with what they call "Husband Power." At first police in Saudi Arabia wanted to stone the "Good Wives" but when they started to listen to their lyrics and crazy beats the police were hooked. The "Good Wives," first single "If you want to Be my husband" is very pro beating and comments how a disappointing wife should be killed. 
Saudi police have still not decided if the "Good Wives" should be imprisoned, but for now wives everywhere are getting into the "Husband Power."

As the Spice Girls get ready for a new tour, The new Islamic group "The Good Wives" release their new single, "If you wanna be my Husband."

The new Islamic group "The Good wives" has taken the Islamic world by storm. They reject the Satanic view of "Girl Power" and replace it with what they call "Husband Power." At first police in Saudi Arabia wanted to stone the "Good Wives" but when they started to listen to their lyrics and crazy beats the police were hooked. The "Good Wives," first single "If you want to Be my husband" is very pro beating and comments how a disappointing wife should be killed. 
Saudi police have still not decided if the "Good Wives" should be imprisoned, but for now wives everywhere are getting into the "Husband Power."

AL ROKER GETS IN FIGHT WITH MATHEW FOX ON THE TODAY SHOW

AL ROKER GETS IN FIGHT WITH MATHEW FOX ON THE TODAY SHOW

"Tell me the location of Lost island, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her," Al Roker yelled to Mathew Fox on an interview during the Today Show.

Al Roker has long stated his ambition to find lost island and live there forever. "all the answers are there, they just need a leader who will make sex slaves out of the women." Roker has said before. Al, who now only calls himself the Weatherman, then asked Fox if he would help him do a home invasion. "I want to force a father to have sex with his daughter, and a mother to have sex with her son," Al told Fox. Producers of the today show are happy to point out that Al is more popular than ever, and part of his appeal to the public is straight talk to the american people.

"Tell me the location of Lost island, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her," Al Roker yelled to Mathew Fox on an interview during the Today Show.

Al Roker has long stated his ambition to find lost island and live there forever. "all the answers are there, they just need a leader who will make sex slaves out of the women." Roker has said before. Al, who now only calls himself the Weatherman, then asked Fox if he would help him do a home invasion. "I want to force a father to have sex with his daughter, and a mother to have sex with her son," Al told Fox. Producers of the today show are happy to point out that Al is more popular than ever, and part of his appeal to the public is straight talk to the american people.

Harry Potter Bathhouse Scandal

LUCIUS MALFOY BATHHOUSE SCANDAL

Draco's father arrested in raid of muggle bathhouse, 

World of Harry Potter in turmoil.

This is not the first time that reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has been caught in a compromising situation. He was among the many patrons in the audience of the Florida porn theater when Muggle sex offender Paul Rubins was arrested.

The Muggle bath house in London is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. Malfoy who again and again has spoken of his hatred of Muggles and half-bloods had no explanation for his being there, but it was reported that the  Wizard who supports "he who must not be named," was disrobed when the police made the raid. Malfoy was able to successfully erase the memories of all the Muggles involved, but was not able to retrieve his cape from a very dramatic young Muggle man who insisted that the garment belonged to his lover. Malfoy will be charged with the misdemeanor, Mistreatment of Muggles. Although it is very likely Malfoy will be able to use his influence in having the charges dropped or reduced.

The real victim in this case is Draco Malfoy. As if it's not enough that he has to deal with the popular Harry Potter always saving the day, now Draco must endure the humiliation from other Hogwarts students in the hallways and laboratories. The Weasley twins have already produced thousands of "Malfoy's a Muggle Bugger", badges to be sold at their joke shop in Diagon alley. The badge flashes the words "Malfoy's a Muggle Bugger", with an added animation of Lucius Malfoy putting his wand in a very unpleasant muggle body part.

Draco's father arrested in raid of muggle bathhouse, 

World of Harry Potter in turmoil.

This is not the first time that reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has been caught in a compromising situation. He was among the many patrons in the audience of the Florida porn theater when Muggle sex offender Paul Rubins was arrested.

The Muggle bath house in London is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. Malfoy who again and again has spoken of his hatred of Muggles and half-bloods had no explanation for his being there, but it was reported that the  Wizard who supports "he who must not be named," was disrobed when the police made the raid. Malfoy was able to successfully erase the memories of all the Muggles involved, but was not able to retrieve his cape from a very dramatic young Muggle man who insisted that the garment belonged to his lover. Malfoy will be charged with the misdemeanor, Mistreatment of Muggles. Although it is very likely Malfoy will be able to use his influence in having the charges dropped or reduced.

The real victim in this case is Draco Malfoy. As if it's not enough that he has to deal with the popular Harry Potter always saving the day, now Draco must endure the humiliation from other Hogwarts students in the hallways and laboratories. The Weasley twins have already produced thousands of "Malfoy's a Muggle Bugger", badges to be sold at their joke shop in Diagon alley. The badge flashes the words "Malfoy's a Muggle Bugger", with an added animation of Lucius Malfoy putting his wand in a very unpleasant muggle body part.

AL GORE ADMITS GLOBAL WARMING IS WRONG

AL GORE ADMITS GLOBAL WARMING IS WRONG

Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. 

"I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt.

The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all."

"I'm really sorry for inspiring fear and alternative difficult lifestyles for so many people", said Gore. "Son of a bitch is Ed Begley Jr. gonna be mad or what?"

Gore went on to explain that he was really just bored and lonely after losing the presidency to George Bush. "It was like being in the Clinton Administration all over again. Stuck in a house with nothing to do with a fat old cow interested in nothing I have to say."

"Don't get me wrong Tipper's great and all, but we just don't have what you could call a "talking" relationship. Back in the 90's as you know I invented the internet just to pass the time. That's what got me thinking I was probably a scientist. So after the 2000 election, and 6 months of binge eating at an Arby's I decided it was time to invent global warming."

Gore finished the press conference by announcing that he will dismantle his laboratory and try not to invent anything else. "I had my sights set on inventing another planet," Gore said, "but I think for now the world needs me to get a new hobby."

Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. 

"I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt.

The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all."

"I'm really sorry for inspiring fear and alternative difficult lifestyles for so many people", said Gore. "Son of a bitch is Ed Begley Jr. gonna be mad or what?"

Gore went on to explain that he was really just bored and lonely after losing the presidency to George Bush. "It was like being in the Clinton Administration all over again. Stuck in a house with nothing to do with a fat old cow interested in nothing I have to say."

"Don't get me wrong Tipper's great and all, but we just don't have what you could call a "talking" relationship. Back in the 90's as you know I invented the internet just to pass the time. That's what got me thinking I was probably a scientist. So after the 2000 election, and 6 months of binge eating at an Arby's I decided it was time to invent global warming."

Gore finished the press conference by announcing that he will dismantle his laboratory and try not to invent anything else. "I had my sights set on inventing another planet," Gore said, "but I think for now the world needs me to get a new hobby."